


Steering the Moral Compass - Danganronpa AU

by NintenDex



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, M/M, The Netherlands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28875660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NintenDex/pseuds/NintenDex
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Original Character(s), OC/Ishimaru Kiyotaka, OC/Kiyotaka Ishimaru





	1. Chapter 1

It's a cold but clear winter day. I see my bus is nearing the Utrecht Central train station. I let out a sigh and pull myself out of my seat. When the bus reaches its destination, I get out and walk up the escalators.  
  


I pull my phone out of my pocket. It's 07:00. God, going to school this early should be illegal. At least my bus showed up on time for once, now I can walk to the tracks very, very slowly.  
  


I wait for the train to take me to uni in Amsterdam. I had a big project coming up, so I decided it would be a good idea to start early. I tend to always let things slip till the last second, but no more. It was time for change, and starting sooner rather than later might be a better way of doing things, probably.  
  


After what feels like an eternity in the cold, the train finally pulls into the station. I get in and try not to doze off from the weirdly cozy, slight rumbling of the train. Just about 20 minutes later, I've arrived at the station, and after a short tram ride, I've entered the warmth of the library. Time to get to work.  
  


After some brainstorming I quickly decided to do my project on immersion through VR. I'd done tons of research on the subject already for other assignments, I would be able to re-use parts of it. It was going to be either an online video series, or a series of articles, though I wasn't sure which of the two I was gonna go with. I could always leave that up to interviews to decide.  
  


Coming to the library turned out to be a good move. With little to no distractions, except for maybe my phone and laptop, which I thankfully was able to ignore the more enticing features of, I made quick progress. I came up with a schedule to get the project finished ahead of the deadline, and to make some last-minute improvements if needed. After about 4 hours, I was done with my research and ready to do some interviews with other students in the area.  
  


I was looking around the library for any suitable candidates when I saw 3 people walk in. A girl with silver hair, and two guys, one with what seemed to be glasses and sandy brown hair, the other with spiky, pitch-black hair. Before they have a chance to sit down and get lost in their studies, I grab my things and walk up to them.  
  


_''Hoi! Mag ik jullie wat vragen?''  
  
_

They look at me in confusion at first, then the black-haired boy quickly regains his composure.  
  


_''Sorry, we don't speak Dutch! But I'm sure in a country with so many people who speak English, you must be one of them!''  
  
_

_''Uh, yeah, I am. I was saying if I could ask you guys a question.''  
  
_

_''Of course! Anything to help out a fellow student!''  
  
_

The black-haired boy seemed eager to respond, but the other two stared me down with a pretty blank expression.  
  


_''Alright, thank you so much. So first off, can I ask how old you guys are?''  
  
_

_''We're all 21 years old,''_ the girl replied, in a soft, yet stern sounding voice.  
  


_''Okay, perfect. I study Media, Information and Communications, and I'm looking to do some interviews about VR and immersion. Would any of you be willing to spend a few minutes answering some more questions? It'd be a great help.''  
  
_

The girl and the boy with the glasses looked at each other and shook their heads.  
  


_''I think we'll pass,''_ glasses boy said.  
  


Before I could say anything, the other guy almost yelled out in enthusiasm.  
  


_''I would never disappoint someone in need, let alone turn down a valuable learning opportunity! If you'll have me, I can help right now!''  
  
_

_''Taka, lower your voice.''_ The boy with the glasses looked visibly annoyed at this point. I could understand why. Everyone in the library was staring at us, it was pretty embarassing.  
  


_''Oh, right, I'm sorry. I tend to let my enthusiasm get the better of me sometimes. Though I would also say it's one of my strengths! Anyway, are you available right now?''  
  
_

At this point, I'm overwhelmed by this guy, but an interview's an interview.  
  


_''Yeah, let's sit down somewhere quiet and around a corner so we can have some privacy.''  
  
_

The boy parts with the other two, who take a seat somewhere else, promising to regroup with them later. I take him to one of the lesser crowded areas in the library. Once we take a seat, I decide to make some small talk before beginning the actual interview.

_  
"So first off, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Max."  
  
_

_"Ah Max, what a great name! My name is Kiyotaka Ishimaru, but you can call me Taka for short."  
  
_

As Taka speaks, I notice his bright, red colored eyes. I read somewhere that it's an incredibly rare eye color. At the very least, it was unlike any I'd seen in my life. It did give him a sense of... fiery-ness.  
  


_"Oh wow, that's not a name you hear every day, sounds Japanese."  
  
_

_"It is Japanese! Me and my friends, who you saw earlier, are all here as exchange students from Japan."  
_

_  
''Oh sweet, what do you guys study?''  
  
_

_''We're all psychology students! We're all incredibly fascinated with how people think, so it was the perfect fit.''  
_

_  
"Damn, that sounds pretty exciting. I'd thought about studying abroad myself, but it always seemed a bit too overwhelming. Good on you guys to come here together. I hope the country's been treating you well."  
  
_

_"It has been very different from Japan, but that's what we liked about it!"  
  
_

_"I can see that. Oh by the way, I can't help but point it out, but your English is amazing."  
  
_

_"Thank you!"_ Taka lights up and is almost at full volume again.  
  


I signal him to quiet down once more. He looks embarassed, but quickly continues:  
  


_"So, what did you need my help for? I should not stay away from my studies too much longer than is necessary."  
  
_

_"Oh, right. Before I get into that, can I record this interview so I can listen to it later? It won't be used anywhere.''  
_

_  
''Yes of course, whatever you need to do your job to the best of your ability!''  
  
_

I grab my phone and turn on the voice recorder. I then open my laptop and get my interview questions in front of me.  
  


_''...Thanks. So, the project is about immersion through virtual reality, and the effects that has on your perception of certain events or concepts. I'm only in the starting stages, so I'm not going to ask you too many fancy questions. I want to get a grip on what form the end result of the project should take, and the best way to do that is to just ask the target demographic, which just so happens to be anyone who's 20 to 25 years old."  
  
_

_"I see! I'll gladly answer whatever questions you have, assuming I have an answer for it of course."  
  
_

_"Alright, there won't be many, just 5, one of which could only be considered a bonus question at best."  
  
_

_"Is that it? I thought the interview would be around an hour long."  
  
_

_"Oh, no, definitely not. I need to interview more people, taking an hour for each person wouldn't be doable. ...Anyway, let's dive right in. So first off, are you even interested in the subject of this project?"  
  
_

_"Yes, I'm very interested in fact. Learning about people's behaviour relating to such technology sounds very fascinating!"  
  
_

_"Okay, and which of these two formats do you think would fit best to convey this info? A video series, or a series of written articles?"  
  
_

_''Articles of course! Reading is where most of our information comes from, and I'm sure anyone worth their salt would love nothing more than to read up on this subject themselves.''  
  
_

I was kind of shocked at that answer. I don't think anyone our age would seriously prefer reading something they could also watch. Well, except for Taka I suppose.  
  


_''...Sure, and what would be the perfect length for an article like that?''  
  
_

_''Any length is acceptable, as long as the writing and stream of new information is strong throughout!''  
_

_  
''Gotcha. Then, what are some questions you'd like to see answered in this format?''  
  
_

_''Hmm... maybe something about the effect VR and immersion have on empathy and understanding others around you?''  
  
_

_''That's an interesting one, that wasn't something I'd thought about. I'll take it into consideration.''  
  
_

_''Do you need more examples of questions?''  
  
_

_''Oh, no. I'm going to interview a bunch of other people as well, so if you don't have any more that's completely fine.''  
  
_

_''No no, let me think... I need to give you one more at least. How about... does VR or immersion help you in your learning ability?''  
  
_

_''That's a great one, thanks so much. Then we're already at the final question: can I contact you for future interviews if it turns out I need additional comments?''  
  
_

_''But of course! Students must pull each other up to achieve the best possible results after all.''  
  
_

Man, this choice of words. Seriously, what's this guy's deal? It seems like he barely knows how to read the room. His stance on helping me is great, especially for a stranger, but the way he expresses it is... strange, to say the least.  
  


_''...Yeah, totally. Can you write down your phone number and e-mail here?''  
  
_

I hand Taka my phone, and he writes down his contact info like I asked.  
  


_''Now then, if that's all, I'll be getting back to my studies.''  
  
_

_''Yes, that's it. You're off the hook. Good luck with everything, and have fun exploring the country!''  
  
_

_''Good luck to you too!''  
  
_

Taka quickly gets up and quickly walks out of view, back to his friends.  
  


What a weird guy. He seemed so strangely formal, and it didn't really feel like we were even remotely on the same wavelength. Yet there was... something about him. He seemed to have a lot of conviction and passion. I admire that.   
  


I look around the library and manage to find some other students who were willing to help me out with the project, though the answers everyone gave were all wildly different. I guess follow-up interviews were inevitable, worst case scenario I'd have to make up a consensus to give the project _some_ direction. Not like anyone would find out.  
  


I looked at the clock. It was 15:00, which seemed like a good time to call it quits. I'd been at it for quite a while, and I'd just about hit a wall in terms of field research. There would be no need to stay here. I pack up my things, and head for the exit of the library. When I turned a corner, I saw Taka and his friends working on something. I don't really get close, as the exit was on the other side of the room, but as I head out the door, I turn my head sideways and look over at Taka. Just as I walk out the door, for a fraction of a second, he looks back at me, and our eyes lock. For that moment in time, I felt... weird. I couldn't exactly place the feeling I had, but it was both unnerving and comforting at the same time. Honestly, it was such a brief instance, it was hard to tell if I was just imagining it or not. But even if I did, why did I feel this way? With more questions than answers, I turned my head forward, and made my way home.


	2. Chapter 2

A week had passed since that day in the library. I made a ton of progress on the project, but once again, I'd hit a brick wall. I needed more follow-up interviews, so I had already contacted most of the people I'd interviewed before. I pushed one off to the very end though. The thought of calling him made me incredibly uneasy for whatever reason, but at the same time, I really wanted to.

  
I blankly look around the room, trying to find something to make me feel more comfortable. It hadn't been that long since I moved in here, so things didn't really feel like they were "mine" yet. The cramped nature and overall bad state of the room weren't helping either. A few weeks ago I'd bought a few plants to liven the place up a bit, I guess I could water some of them.

  
While I walk towards the sink, I notice it's raining slightly. That's... textbook relaxation right?

  
Just as I was able to distract myself with other thoughts, calling Taka was back in the front of my mind. I pour some water into the soil of my plants, and take a deep sigh.

  
I needed to continue my interviews, and the only one I hadn't gotten another response from was him. I had to do this. Besides, there was absolutely nothing to be nervous or anxious about. Sure, the guy was a little weird but he didn't seem at all dangerous.

  
After convincing myself long and hard enough, I eventually decided to enter his number and call him.

  
The phone rang for what seemed like an eternity, and just when I thought he wasn't going to pick up, a crackling noise came through the speaker, followed by a familiar voice.

_  
''This is Kiyotaka Ishimaru speaking!''_

_  
''Kiyotaka, hi. This is Max, you helped me out at the library last week.''_

_  
''Oh Max! What a pleasure to speak with you again!''_

_  
''Yeah... likewise.''_

_  
''Are you calling about the project?''_

_  
''Yes, I am. I conducted a few other interviews, but I'm afraid I still need to ask some follow-up questions. Do you have some time to meet up anytime soon? We can meet anytime and anywhere you'd like. Whatever's convenient.''_

_  
''First of all, don't apologize for wanting to gather more knowledge! Second, of course I can meet up! I think your project is truly interesting, I would love to help shape it into the best version of itself. Let's see... this week I'm already quite busy. Would you happen to have time today?''_

_  
''...Today? Yeah, I guess so. Where would you want to meet up?''_

_  
''At my place would be perfect!''_

_  
''Okay then, send me your address and I'll be there as soon as possible.''_

_  
''Will do, see you soon!''_

  
And with that, Taka hung up. What is even going on right now? We don't even know each other, yet he's inviting me over to his place, just like that? Why... am I weirdly excited about this now?

  
I let those thoughts linger in the back of my mind as I gathered my stuff, and made my way to Taka's place. It was in Amsterdam as well, so at least it wouldn't take too long to get there. As I got closer and closer, my heart started pounding faster and faster. It was like I was... going on a date.

  
Wait.

  
Was I... crushing on this guy? He seemed like everything I'm not. Uptight, incredibly focused on studying, and kind of socially inept. I would never imagine myself with a guy like that. So then, why does this feel like I'm going on a first date? The nerves, the excitement, it's all here. Why is he drawing me in so much?

  
And before I could properly answer my own questions, I got off the bus in Amsterdam, a mere 5 minute walk from where Taka lives, and made my way over. Luckily the rain had let up in the time it took for me to arrive at the final bus stop.

  
One thing was absolutely certain. Even if this was some dumb crush thing, I'd have to let it go. He's probably not even gay, or looking for a relationship to begin with.

  
Just as my imagination was winding down, I reached Taka's place. It seemed to be in a large apartment complex. He must be living by himself in here, it doesn't really seem like a typical student home. Just beside the main door, there are all the door bells for the apartments. I look for the number Taka gave me, and I didn't need to look for long. The number, along with his name, was clearly visible on one of the name plates. I press the bell and within seconds I hear a familar voice on the other end of the line.

_  
"Hello?"_

_  
"Hi Kiyotaka, it's Max."_

_  
"Oh hello! Let me open up for you."_

  
The door made a sort of zooming noise, and I could push it open to get inside the building.

  
Within about a minute, I was at his front door. He already stood outside waiting to welcome me.

_  
"Max! Thank you for coming on such a short notice, it must not have been convenient for you."_ Taka smiles sort of apologetically.

_  
"It really wasn't that big of a deal. Besides, you're the one providing me the valuable info I need. I also kinda like exploring spots I've never been, no matter how mundane or small they might be. So honestly, it was fun heading over here."_

_  
"I'm glad to hear that!"_ Taka's slight grin turned into a gentle smile.

  
His face, but most of all, his eyes, captivated me. From the start, his bright, violet eyes were hypnotizing. I felt like I could lose myself in them. Looking into them gave me this weird sensation that I couldn't really put into words.

  
...The hell? Was I thinking about his eyes now? Okay, I had to stop. I needed to just get the info from our interview and get out of there. After that I could just move on and never speak to him again.

_  
''So, Kiyotaka, are you ready for around 2?''_

_  
''Please, no need to be formal. You can just call me Taka. I think I mentioned that last time. But yes, I am more than ready! This interview will be the one to guide your project to the finish line!''_

  
No need to be formal? Says him.

_  
''...Right. Thanks for the help, again. Can I come in?''_

_  
''Oh, my apologies! Of course you can come in. Be sure to take off your shoes first though.''_

  
Taka turned around and walked inside as I took off my shoes. They were quite run down, but it's all I really had access to right now. I put them down next to the only other footwear in the entry hallway of the apartment, leather black boots. Was he wearing those last time? It was definitely a fashion statement, to say the least, though I couldn't say that I hated them. With the right outfit they could totally work.

  
After I put down my shoes, I look around the hallway. It's mostly empty, though there is a picture hanging on the wall. In it, you could see a kid with bright violet eyes playing with an older man, probably in his late 40's, early 50's. I guess that must be Taka and his dad or something.

  
I head through the door, and it leads me to the living room, where Taka is standing around waiting. It was a pretty spacious room. There was more than enough space for a large, cream colored sofa, a grey coffee table and a TV cabinet with, of course a TV on top. On the left hand side there was a large, grey dinner table with 4 cream colored chairs. Everything seemed pretty luxurious, more so than with any student I'd ever met. Besides that, the room was absolutely spotless. There was not a speck of dust to be found. If the wooden floor could reflect my image, I'm sure it would have.

_  
''Wow, you got quite the place here. A lot of room to work with, and every inch of the place looks clean too. This is unlike any student's place I've ever seen.''_

_  
''Ah, thank you! Though I assure you, I was only able to secure this place with a lot of financial help. I am far too absorbed in my studies and other school-related activities, so I wouldn't be able to get a job even if I wanted to. I try to go outside and explore every once in a while, but more often than not I simply can't stop studying! And well, a tidy home is a tidy mind. As such, I try to clean as often as possible. I would hate it if I lost out on the knowledge I needed in a certain situation because my apartment was a mess!''_

  
Wow. He even compulsively cleans to benefit his studies. Seriously, what is this guy?

_  
''I suppose that makes sense. You definitely got things going for you here though. I'd trade this place for my crummy room any day.''_

_  
''Ah, well, don't feel discouraged! I'm sure you'll find your own way to prosper and get whatever home you desire too!''_

  
I think Taka was trying to cheer me up, but I honestly felt a little embarassed.

_  
''Yeah, let's hope so.''_

  
As I walk further in, I notice that the living room is also connected to the kitchen. Near the sink is a large window that looks out over the neighborhood, which was quite the view. The kitchen itself wasn't as luxurious-looking as the other parts of the house, but it was definitely more than workable for someone living on their own. And again, it was spotless. No dirty dishes, no stains, unlike in many other student homes.

_  
''So, where do you want to do the interview?''_

_  
"We can just sit down on the sofa and do it there!"_

  
I walk over to the sofa and get my backpack off my back. I pull out the laptop that neatly fit in there, only to soon notice that the battery was dead. I also grab my charger and look around for a socket, but I couldn't spot one from where I was standing.

_  
"Taka, do you have any sockets nearby?"_

_  
"Oh, unfortunately not near the sofa, no! But you can hand your charger over to me, let me take care of that for you. Don't worry! You just get things ready for the interview."_

  
I hand my charger over to him, and do as he says. Taka goes back to the entry hallway. Seconds later he walks out with a cord extender attached to my charger.

_  
"There you go!"_

  
I thank Taka and plug the charger into the laptop. I use my mobile hotspot to connect to the internet, as I didn't want to spend more time here by asking Taka for his Wi-Fi password. There is a moment of silence as I get everything ready, but Taka quickly breaks through it.

_  
"Oh, where are my manners! I totally forgot if you'd like something to drink!"_

_  
"Yeah, sure. What do you have?"_

_  
"Let's see..."_

  
Taka opens the fridge and takes a look inside.

_  
"I've got water of course, milk, and then I also have tea!"_

_  
"I'll go for the milk then."_

  
Taka nods and pours a glass of milk, and a glass of water. He puts them down on the coffee table, and finally sits down on the sofa next to me.

  
I quickly start up the interview and go through the questions I'd prepared. This one took a while longer than the last one, since there were a lot more concrete subjects I needed an opinion on. Again, his answers were completely different from basically all the people I'd interviewed. They all showed a very active, involved stance. More favored towards written words than spoken ones. He was truly passionate in his responses too. It weirded me out last time, but seeing someone this genuinely enthusiastic about this project was kind of contagious. It made me a lot more excited to finish it up as well.

_  
"...Then I think we're done with everything I'd prepared!"_

_  
"That's great! Again, I truly hope your project pleases everyone involved, and I hope that my contribution will be valuable in some way!"_

  
I quickly grab my phone to check the time.

_  
"Thank you, and I'm sure it will be! I should probably get going now though, we've been at it for a bit longer than I thought. It's already 17:30."_

  
As I pack up my bag, I quickly glance outside the window in the kitchen. It was raining pretty bad. I was so caught up in the interview that I never noticed. Taka clearly noticed it just now too.

_  
"Ah! You can't go out there now, you'll be soaked by the time you get onto the bus, and so will your laptop! Don't you want to stay over for dinner? You can stay here until the rain lets up."_

  
...This guy. I swear, my life felt like a comedy show right now. Right as I was about to leave his house, about to leave his life, he threw this one at me.

_  
"I... I shouldn't. It probably isn't that bad, and I don't wanna inconvenience you, you're probably busy enough as it is."_

_  
"I planned my day off today! I was going to read some books, but of course that is not a requirement."_

_  
"That's only more reason not to do it, I really don't want to intrude on the little free time you have."_

  
"Enough of this, please. I insist you stay, and that's that!"

  
I was kind of shocked by his authoritative tone, but I could tell it came from a good place. He wanted me to be comfortable, and even though I should have pushed myself to leave, I really didn't want to. ...So I didn't.

_  
"Okay, okay, but you're absolutely sure it's okay for me to stay?"_

_  
"Yes! 100%."_


	3. Chapter 3

So there I was. At Taka's place, on his couch, about to have dinner with him. Taka was in the kitchen, getting some of his cooking supplies ready. Seeing him preparing everything gave me a good change to study him a bit more. His hair wasn't all spiky like when I last saw him. It seemed like he didn't give it too much attention, as it was all just down. Honestly, it looked kinda cute. I might even prefer his hair this way. I was never really a big fan of spiky hair.

  
Equally low-key was Taka's outfit this time around. He was just wearing some grey sweatpants and a dark green shirt with short sleeves, along with plain, grey socks. Last time I barely even noticed his physique, but looking at him now, he was in undeniably good shape. He was pretty slim, but there was definitely some muscle tone on his arms. He must work out at least a little bit. That, or genetics were very kind to him.

  
Really, if this were a guy from Tinder instead of him, this would be what I'd consider a pretty good date. I mean, eating a home cooked meal while it's raining outside seems like it's about as romantic as it gets. Plus, he happens to be cute. What more could I ask for?

_  
"So, Max, what do you like to eat?"_

  
I got brought right back to reality by Taka's words.

_  
"Oh, well my favorite food is sushi, but I also like steak a lot. Not that we should have any of that today! Just go with whatever you would have cooked up if I weren't here."_

_  
"Of course! I was just curious is all. Today we'll be going for a balanced, healthy meal! I won't spoil the surprise for you."_

  
Huh? He was curious. That somehow seemed... out of character for him. The only things I've seen him go deeper into were always related to studying. It felt strange that he was taking an interest, but then again, it was also nice.

_  
"Well, what do you like to eat then, Taka?"_

_  
"Anything that gives me all the proper nutrients I need for both body and mind will do! But every so often I do like to eat ramen with fried chicken. Though that's only for very special occasions!"_

  
I chuckled. Taka put down the cooking supplies and turned himself to me as I continued:

_  
"Well, I guess you know your food stuff then, to make sure you perform optimally and all. Personally, I just like to eat whatever I feel like on a particular day, though vegetables tend to be more of an obligation than anything."_

_  
"What?! Why wouldn't you want to perform at your best? Your diet is incredibly important for studying and living a healthy life!"_ Taka performed very exaggerated motions as he spoke. It was kind of funny.

_  
"Well, yeah, that's true. But to me, life isn't about doing everything by the rules. I like eating terrible food. I like doing things that don't directly benefit me in daily life. I notice that's what you seem to be about though. I really respect how you tune every part of your life so you can be top of the line, but I don't mind being average and doing things that I enjoy, instead of working on school or doing things that mostly benefit my school life. Studying is not the most important thing to me."_

_  
''B-but... what do you even do then, if it's not to improve your studying? Studying is incredibly enjoyable!''_

_  
''Well, take a guess.''_

  
Taka seemed taken aback. For once, he didn't have an immediate answer ready. After a few seconds of silence, he came back down to Earth.

_  
''...I think I might have an idea!''_

_  
''Okay, so...''_

_  
''Well, maybe sports!''_

_  
''Nah, sports aren't for me. Tried working out a few times, but it's a massive chore.''_

_  
''Huh?!''_

_  
''What? Is that so crazy?''_

  
Taka seemed incredibly flustered by my response, he was stunned.

_  
''N-no, I just... haven't really met anyone who thinks that way before...''_

_  
''I guess that makes sense. A lot of people do enjoy it.''_

_  
''R-right... ''_

  
As he looked aimlessly around the room, it seemed as if Taka was trying to find something to distract from the current conversation.

_  
''Taka, are you okay?''_

_  
''Y-yes! My apologies, don't mind me!''_ Taka looked like he was slowly losing it. He started fidgeting with his clothes, and while he was looking in my direction, he was avoiding eye contact.

_  
''Hey, calm down. We're just having a conversation. There's nothing to worry about. I can tell you're tensing up.''_

_  
''S-sorry! Sometimes I don't really know what to do, or say, and I might make a bit of a fool of myself!''_

  
As Taka kept talking, he seemed to get more nervous by the second. I couldn't let this go on, so I got up and walked towards him.

_  
''Wait, why are you getting up? What are you-''_

  
I stopped right in front of Taka and put my hand on his shoulder.

_  
''Taka.''_

_  
''W-wha...? Yes...?''_

_  
''It's okay. Relax. I don't know what happened, but you look like you've seen a ghost.''_

_  
''I-I'm sor-''_

_  
''You don't need to apologize. Just sit down, and take some deep breaths.''_

  
I guide Taka to the sofa, and let him calm down before continuing the conversation. I get him some water, which he hesitantly drinks. After he'd settled down a bit, I decided to break the silence.

_  
''Are you feeling a bit better now?''_

_  
''Y-yes, I am.''_

_  
''I know we barely know each other, but do you feel like you maybe want to talk about what just happened? It seemed really intense for you. If it could help to talk about it, I'm absolutely willing to listen.''_

_  
''...''_

_  
''Taka?''_

_  
''...Sorry, I was just thinking. I've never really talked about this with anyone, not even my friends.''_

_  
''Oh. Well, if you don't want to, then-''_

_  
''I think I should talk about it. Now that you saw me like you just did, I don't think I have much to lose by telling you.''_

_  
''You don't have anything to lose by telling me. I'll do my best to be helpful to you, but at the very least you can expect me to listen to anything you'd like to say.''_

_  
''...Okay. Well then...''_

  
Taka took a deep breath before starting his story.

_  
''So, to put it bluntly, I suppose you could say I have a bit of a hard time connecting with other people because of my lifestyle. I've always been happy to make that sacrifice, but...''_

_  
"What do you mean?"_

_  
"Well, I've always been hard-working, ever since I was young. I've always wanted to be at the top of the class. I always did everything to get the highest grades, and I've led many clubs and groups inside and outside of school as resume boosters. I've always wanted and still want to reach the greatest heights I can, but after a while I realised that it's made me... detached from other people. Even in clubs I barely interacted with anyone, because I was so caught up in my duties as a leader. I never really made any friends until a few years ago, when I met Kyoko and Byakuya, my friends you saw the other day. They're also unusual people, but in a different way. We could relate to each other on that. But overall, it's still hard for me to grasp how people think, and why they do the things they do. That's also why I froze up just now. I'm confident when it comes to studying, and things related to it, but that's about it. When you asked the questions you did, and the way you then responded to me, it... freaked me out. I didn't know what to say in that situation, and I didn't want to turn someone off that I've actually come to appreciate, in a way.''_

  
I was lost for words. A lot of his quirks make a lot more sense to me now, but it's still quite a bit to take in. And that last part... he had come to appreciate me?

  
After a moment of quiet, Taka continued.

_  
''...You know, that's also partially why I wanted to be a psychology student. I wanted to learn to understand the people around me better. I wanted to do it in the only way I'd know how. Through studying. But I'm starting to realise that doing it like that probably isn't the best way to go about it."_

_  
"...Wow, I honestly don't know what to say."_

_  
"M-my apologies! Did I say something wrong?"_

_  
"No, no, don't worry. It's just quite a bit of info to take in is all. I think I'm starting to understand you a bit better now. Even though you can't "read" others very well, you seem very self-aware and introspective. I think those are good traits to have, and I think that, if you put the work in, those qualities will really help people to connect with you. It already worked on me. Through this little chat alone I've already come to appreciate you more than you probably think. I'm glad that feeling's mutual."_

_  
''R-really?!''_ Taka's cheeks turned red.

_  
''Yeah! I've come to see you as a great guy, I can tell you're very driven, passionate, and ambitious. Those are all incredibly good traits to have. And a lot of people can infer those already, from the way you act. But being vulnerable and opening yourself up to others is just as valuable. Because if you look at a book, and it has a great cover and synopsis on the back, but you never actually open it, you still don't really know what it says, right?''_

_  
''I... suppose that makes sense!''_

_  
''Well, if you keep yourself closed like that book, people will never really get to know you. Everything starts by showing people who you truly are. That way, people will eventually be drawn to you, if they see something that they like. Seeing how you're still trying to grasp how to best interact with people, showing Kiyotaka Ishimaru to the world may be difficult right now. But just like how you can get better results by studying more for an exam, you can also get better at interacting with people by doing it more. It's a gradual process, something you don't need to rush. You can take as much time as you need. It won't be easy, and stuff that is unique to you may help or hamper your progress. But you can change, if you really, really want to. Anyone can. For what it's worth, I think this conversation is already a great start.''_

  
Taka looked down in silence. It took a while for him to look back up, but when he did, I could see a fiery determination in his eyes.

_  
''I think you're right! I'll conquer this flaw like I've conquered all my other hardships. Through hard work and determination!''_

_  
''That's the spirit!''_ I can't help but break out a smile.

_  
''But, seeing how I told you about all this, and you seem to be way better at this than I am... I hope you can be my guide on this road to improvement. It... would comfort me to know that you'd be by my side through this process.''_

_  
''Yes, of course! I'd love to help in any way I can. You can talk to me about anything, whenever you'd like. Not just about this. I'm all about providing a listening ear. Remember that.''_

_  
''I will!''_

  
Me and Taka looked each other in the eyes, and I could feel my heart starting to beat a bit faster.

_  
''Alright, Taka. First thing, when me and my friends hang out or have a good talk like this, we always give each other a hug afterwards. Are you comfortable with that?''_

  
Taka, once again, turned red. This must not have been where he thought this would go.

_  
''Uhm, yes! I suppose so!''_

_  
''Alright, c'mere then!''_

  
I open my arms out wide, and Taka slowly crawls into them. He hesitantly puts his arms around me as well, and rests his head on my shoulder. After a few seconds, he started squeezing me a bit tighter. It was in that moment that my heart started beating like crazy.

  
Yup.

  
I was 100% in love with this guy.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few seconds, Taka and I let go of each other. It was kind of surreal that this was the dynamic we had built up already. Taka let me in on one of his biggest insecurities, and this is the second time we've talked to each other. We even hugged it out just now, and I liked it. I'm glad that I get to be closer to him, but it's also... worrying. I've been at this point before. I liked a guy, turns out they weren't gay, or just didn't like me back, and things didn't work out. That usually left me pretty devastated, and needless to say, I'm not looking forward to repeating history. I would try to let the potential love angle go, but I knew it would be impossible. My heart knew what it wanted. I couldn't help it. I should test the waters, and see how he responds over time. I should be able to at least find out if he's gay or not. ...Unless he's never thought of it.

_  
''Max?''_

  
I pull myself out of my own thoughts as I hear Taka's voice.

_  
''Huh? Oh, sorry. One thing you should definitely know about me: I tend to get lost in thought quite a lot.''_

_  
''I imagine you must have lots to think about, so it's only natural! Anyway, I'm going to get the food ready. Make yourself at home! I'll let you know when dinner's almost ready.''_

_  
''Sure, thanks!''_

  
I grab my phone and decide to text some of my friends about what just happened, and how I feel about the whole situation. The responses ranged from ''Okay,'' to extensive conversations on the subject. A few told me to try and distance myself before my feelings grew stronger. Some told me to see where it goes, and that I might even change my mind if I get to know him better. I figured that last piece of advice was most useful to me right now. I definitely don't want to distance myself, not when I've made my promise to Taka. Besides that, I don't even know if anything _could_ happen between us yet. That means that, until I know for sure, I shouldn't just give up on the idea.

  
As I was chatting, I smelled a delightful scent coming from the kitchen. Whatever Taka had prepared, it was _good._ Time passed in what felt like a flash. Before I knew it, I heard from the kitchen:

_  
''Dinner's almost ready! Can you lay the table for me?''_

_  
''Of course!''_

  
I get up and grab the plates along with the cutlery, and put it on the dinner table. Just a few moments later, Taka grabs the pots with the prepared food and he also puts it on the table.

_  
''So, Mr. Ishimaru, what have you prepared for us here?''_

_  
''That would be a delicious Japanese curry with all sorts of vegetables, as well as some chicken. Here you've got rice, and also some pepper and salt if it needs a bit more oomph!''_

_  
''Wow, I love that! I haven't eaten curry in forever, but I did always enjoy it, I'm excited to try it out.''_

_  
''Well then, let's dig in!''_

  
I wouldn't let him tell me twice. I sat down and took a nice and big portion of the curry. I took a bite, and I was in heaven. The flavors complimented each other so nicely, and the chicken gave it just that little extra kick to ascend the dish to the next level. It was great.

_  
''Wow, Taka, this is amazing! This might be one of, if not the best curry I've ever had!''_

_  
''Ah, thank you! It's an Ishimaru family recipe, fine tuned over the years, so the groundwork was already laid out for me.''_

_  
''Well, that doesn't matter, you did a great job making this, the recipe isn't everything, you also just need to know how to cook. I would have definitely messed that up.''_

_  
''Are you saying your cooking skills are below par? I could maybe... teach you someday, if you'd like.''_

_  
''Yeah, that sounds good! My dishes at home could definitely use an improvement, it would be great to learn from a master!''_ I grin at Taka.

_  
''Y-yes, of course! I'll teach you whatever you need to know.''_

  
I thought I'd heard a slight nervousness in Taka's voice, but it was faint. I really didn't want to start looking too deep into things. I figured it was just my currently overactive imagination.

  
We both continue eating, and so, things are silent for a few seconds. I figured this might be a good opportunity to get some information out of Taka.

_  
''So, Taka, I was wondering... have you ever been with a girl before?''_

  
Almost instantly, he turned red.

_  
''A-a girl?''_

_  
''Yeah, you know. Like in a relationship. Dating. I know you tend to keep to yourself, but I figured maybe you made a special exception for someone, in Japan or something.''_

  
Taka seemed like he was completely tuned out from shock, but he recovered fairly quickly.

 _  
"W-well... I guess I've never thought about anyone that way before."_ Taka looks away.

_  
"Hey, that's fine. It's not like it's a requirement. Love isn't something you can force either way, so if you're more about the slow burn, you should embrace that. I think that's a great mindset to have."_

_  
"I don't know if I am about the slow burn, though that does sound appropriate for me! I've got a lot of other things to worry about, I don't know if I could even find the time to dedicate to love!"_

_  
"Well, either way, love finds everyone at different times and in different ways. Don't worry about it too much, I was just curious."_

_  
"Of course! So what about you then?"_

  
Taka was back to his slightly loud, usual self, now that he could get the attention off him. Unfortunately, his answer didn't really bring me any closer to what I wanted to know.

_  
"You mean if I've ever been with a girl?"_

  
Taka nodded.

_  
"Well, I guess technically yes, but that relationship was in high school, and also not real, I suppose, given what I know about myself now."_

_  
"That's quite the mysterious answer! Mind explaining yourself?"_

_  
"Oh, yeah. It's just that the last few years I've kinda come to realize that I'm really only interested in guys."_

_  
"What? Really?"_

_  
"Yeah. I fell in love with my best friend in high school, and things started becoming more clear to me during that time. I've never looked back."_

_  
"I see! Well, it's a privilege to know about that side of you. It also happens that you're the first gay person I've met, so I'm incredibly curious about it! So if I ask any questions that are too nosy, just tell me!"_

  
Taka's response was sweet, but it really went to show how sheltered he was. I was the first gay guy he'd met. That was quite honestly a shock to me. Even taking dating out of the picture, I'd come in contact with at least 10 gay people on a sort of regular basis. But maybe things were different in Japan, and since his close social contacts were pretty limited, I guess it made sense.

_  
"Sure. Were there things you wanted to ask then?"_

_  
"Yeah! So, what is it like being gay?"_

  
I chuckled.

_  
"You make it sound like some crazy thing, but I think for me, it's pretty normal. Probably the same as for straight people, except instead of women, I like men. There definitely are a lot of people who are against gay people even existing, but I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of them."_

_  
"Yes, that really is a relief! I definitely support you all the way, I want you to know that!"_

_  
"I can tell already, and you're really respectful, so I don't think I have anything to worry about with you."_ I smile.

  
Taka looked away kind of awkwardly, but quickly went back on the offensive.

_  
''So then, how did you find out you were gay?''_

_  
''Well, it's a long story, but I guess the short version would be that I fell in love with my best friend in high school, like I said. I then had these feelings that I never felt before. After a while, I started to realize it was love. It also eventually dawned on me that the feelings I thought I had for women in the past weren't real at all. After that stuff clicked, I really wasn't interested in girls anymore.''_

_  
''Wow, it truly seems like you have a great grasp on yourself!''_

_  
''I suppose I do now, yeah. But before, I was never really that confident or sure of myself. That only started happening after high school.''_

  
Taka nodded. He had already finished his food, while I was not even halfway done. I quickly ate the remaning curry before it got cold, and helped Taka put all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Afterwards, I plop down on the sofa, and I can feel myself slipping away. My eyes start to feel as heavy as bricks. Just as they were about to close, I hear Taka yelling at me from the kitchen.

_  
''Max, would you like something else to drink?''_

  
My eyes are wide open again.

_  
''O-oh, no thanks! I think I should be going, I almost felt myself falling asleep there.''_

  
I looked out the window, but it was still raining. Dammit. I couldn't just doze off here. This rain had better let up soon. I grab my phone and look up an app for checking upcoming rain. When I open it, it displayed the rain going on till at least 2 AM, with no breaks in between. This was a damn storm or something.

 _  
''Just stay here until the rain blows over!''_ Taka pointed outside.

_  
''Well, I just looked it up, and it says it's not stopping till at least 2 AM. I should probably head home and try to keep my things as dry as possible.''_

_  
''Oh, is that so? Then I suppose that would be for the best. I'm sorry I can't do much more for you!''_

_  
''That's okay, it's not your fault it's raining. I'll just get going, the sooner I'm home, the sooner I can dry up. Let's hope my stuff makes it through the rain.''_

_  
''Well actually, are you free tomorrow?''_

_  
''Uh... I should be. Why? You wanna hang out again?''_

_  
''Not necessarily! I just figured you could leave some of your valuable things here so they don't get wet, and you could pick them up tomorrow!''_

_  
''That's actually a good idea. Yeah, I think I'll do that, thanks.''_

_  
''Anytime! I need you to perform your best, and you can't do that if your laptop were broken, for example!''_

_  
''Right.''_

  
I get up from the sofa and grab the things I need to take with me, but I leave my notes and my laptop at Taka's.

  
As I grab my jacket and head for the door, I have an idea.

_  
''Hey, are you free tomorrow night?''_

_  
''Tomorrow night... well, I do have a study session planned, so I suppose not.''_

_  
''Ah, I see... if you can't skip it that's fine. I was thinking, after I pick up my stuff, we could go and do something to get you to start understanding people better, but we can always do it another time.''_

  
Taka looks away and seems lost in thought for a moment. He stands there for a few seconds, but then turns back to me.

_  
''I think I should be able to schedule it during the day. That way, we can go do whatever you had in mind!''_

_  
''Are you sure?''_

_  
''Yes, definitely! I really want to get started, I want to improve, so let's see what you have in store for me!''_

_  
''Well, I think you might like it. It may also make you a bit uncomfortable, but I'll be right there with you every step of the way. I don't like where we're going myself, but I think it's a cornerstone of the lives of many people our age. If you want to get to know them, having experienced this at least once is a must. I'll be here at 10 PM, so make sure you're ready to go.''_

_  
''10 PM? Isn't that a bit late?''_

_  
''Well yeah, but you can only experience this during nighttime. Don't worry though, we don't have to stay for too long if you don't end up liking it.''_

_  
''Hmm... okay.''_

_  
''Great, then I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again for the food and the shelter for my stuff!''_ I smile at Taka as I reach out for a hug. He seemed caught off guard yet again, but quickly realised what was happening and adjusted himself.

_  
''No worries! I'll see you tomorow!''_

  
With that, I head out of Taka's apartment, and then the building, into the storming rain. I really needed to buy an umbrella for next time. Drenched in seconds, I made my way home as fast as I could.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day passed pretty quickly all things considered. I did some school work, played some video games and then had a pretty light dinner. I was a bit nervous for the night. That said, I still wanted to show it to Taka. I don't think it's somewhere he would go either, much like me. It is a big part in the lives of people our age though, so I feel obligated to take him to see it for himself. I guess I could give it another chance while I'm there too. I don't see my opinion changing much though.

  
At 10 PM I went to Taka's place, as promised. He was all ready to go, and greeted me with a smile.

_  
"Hi Max!"_

_  
"Hey!"_ I gave Taka a hug, he seemed to be expecting it this time.

_  
"You're all good to go I see. Well then, just follow me."_

_  
"Okay! Your stuff is still in there though. I suppose you'll pick it up on the way back?"_

_  
"Yeah, and if it ends up being too late I'll come back some other time. Maybe tomorrow."_

_  
"Of course! Though I feel like now would be an appropriate time to ask, where exactly are we going?"_

_  
"I'm not telling you, just wait and see."_

  
Taka and I made our way to our destination. First by bus, then by train. We made our way over to Amsterdam, and after walking from Central Station for a few minutes, we arrived. I could already hear the loud music from outside.

_  
"Are we here?"_

_  
"Yup, this is it. I wanted to take you to a club to see how you'd like it. Like I said, I'm not a big fan myself, but if you want to understand what goes on in your peers' lives, this is a good place to start. Students party all the time."_

_  
"O-oh I see! Well then, let's make our way inside!"_

  
I could tell Taka was nervous, and so was I. Even though I'd been to clubs a few times, there was this uneasy feeling I could never quite shake. Regardless, we went inside, bought tickets, and made our way to one of the floors where things seemed at least slightly more tame than the others. We were surrounded by bright lights, tons of people, loud music, and alcohol. Taka looked around but seemed to shut down a bit.

_  
"Taka, are you okay?"_

  
He looked back at me with a questioning expression.

_  
"What was that?"_

_  
"I said, are you okay?!"_

_  
"O-oh yes, of course! It's just a lot to take in. What do we do now?"_

_  
"Well, let's get some drinks first. I usually don't really drink alcohol, but if you want to try something out I'll try it with you."_

_  
"Oh, yes, I usually don't really drink either, I tend to only drink something like champagne on special occassions, but not just like this. Is there anything here you would recommend?"_

_  
"I suppose so, I kinda like cocktails because of their sweet taste, so maybe like a Sex on the Beach? Can't go wrong with that one. They can be pretty expensive though."_

_  
"No worries! I'll try that then."_

  
We ordered our drinks, and afterwards we found a comfortable spot near the dance floor. We were both dancing a little bit. If I were with anyone else, I probably wouldn't have done it. Dancing in front of other people usually makes me very uncomfortable, but I took this upon myself. I could survive a few hours in the club, no big deal. Taka didn't seem to mind it as much as me. It was hard to hear each other without yelling, so there was a lot of repeating the things we'd already said. After a while, I noticed that Taka did seem to find his footing a little bit. Maybe he was enjoying this.

_  
"So Max, do people just come here for the loud music, dancing, and drinking?"_

_  
"Some people probably do, but for a lot of them this is also a meeting ground. Meeting new people and having a good time with them can also be part of the appeal. Some show up with only their friends and don't really talk to anyone else, it depends on the person really. Some people find love in these places, somehow."_

  
Taka gave a surprised nod and looked around at all the people and what they were doing. There was a lot of dancing, kissing, humping, twerking, you name it."

  
If there's one thing I did like about the club myself, it was looking at all the other people and what crazy stuff they got themselves into. I'd rather watch in some corner the whole night than actually participate, but needless to say, that would kind of be going against the point of going here with Taka.

  
The longer we stayed, the more the music that played started to bore me. Time felt like it took an eternity to move forward. I was in agony.

  
Taka on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying it more and more. He was doing weird dances, and it looked pretty funny. He didn't care how he looked doing it. He was doing his thing, all he really paid mind to was himself. Eventually, a girl on the other side of the room took notice. I couldn't really tell what she looked like, except that she had long, dark hair. She walked up to Taka, and she started saying things in his ear. I had no idea what they were talking about, but Taka seemed to enjoy her presence. He quickly cracked a smile and kept the conversation going. Since Taka was occupied, I figured I'd go bring our empty glasses to the bar. I told Taka to pay me no mind, took his glass, and turned my back towards him and the girl, as I made my way to the other side of the room.

  
I was gone for a few seconds at best, but when I came back to the spot Taka and I had inhabited, both him and the girl were gone. A sudden surge of dread shot through me. It was like my anchor that kept me from drifting off was suddenly gone. I felt anxious, like I was being watched by everyone in the room. I felt abandoned. I quickly looked around to see if I could spot Taka, but to no avail. I moved around the room, growing more nervous the longer I couldn't find Taka. Where did he go? Why did he just leave me like that?

  
Eventually I concluded that he was probably not on the same floor anymore, and made my way to one of the other floors.

  
Once again, Taka was nowhere to be seen at first. I looked around and went through the whole crowd to see if I could spot him in any way. Unfortunately, no dice. I went to the last floor I hadn't been to, and as I walked up, there was a somewhat slow song playing compared to the other ones I'd heard all night. I looked around, and just as I'd given up, after about 15 minutes of searching, I saw him. Tucked away in the corner of the room, dancing with that girl.

  
With all my current emotions, it felt like my heart was shattered. Not only was I worried for him, he also left without a word to ditch me for some girl he seemed to have a way better time with. I could feel jealousy rise within me, and I didn't like it. Still, I did feel like it was a dick move regardless. Why did he do this?

  
I decided to hold off on my full judgement for when I'd actually heard an explanation. Maybe there was some perfectly valid reason for all this that I just couldn't see. I walked up to him, and his expression immediately went from happy to surprised.

_  
"Oh Max! I'm so sorry, I-"_

_  
"What the hell dude?! Why did you just ditch me without saying a word? I turned this whole place upside down looking for you, I thought you fucking left me here!"_

_  
"Please, let me explain! You see, shortly after you took my glass, Alexa here told me she'd lost track of one of her friends. Apparently they'd promised to reconvene here if they got split up. I didn't want to let her go alone, so I went with her. Just now, we were only killing time while waiting for Alexa's friend to come back."_

_  
"You could've walked up to me and told me, so I wouldn't have had to look all over!"_

_  
"I know, but I couldn't see you, and well, Alexa was pretty persuasive, she insisted that it was urgent!"_

_  
"I was gone for 30 seconds at most, Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with both of you?! You could have waited a little longer for me to come back! I was worried out of my mind, I'd expect this from someone else but not you Taka!"_

_  
"Hey, I'm so sorry I took Taka with me without thinking."_

  
Alexa finally said something after looking on from the sidelines for a while.

_  
"Yeah, you better be! Where is your friend anyway? I don't see them with you here so I assume they haven't come back."_

_  
"Oh, yeah, I just saw that she texted me a while ago. She already left with some guy apparently, my bad."_

  
Alexa didn't really seem to mind either way. She came off as very indifferent. No way she felt this was "urgent".

_  
"W-well, what a fucking relief."_ I slowly felt tears welling up, all my emotions coming to their peak. I wanted to resist it, but one tear went down my cheek before I knew it. Unfortunately, Taka and Alexa noticed.

_  
"Max? Are you crying?"_

_  
"Yeah, I am, Taka! I thought you'd either just left me, or got in some kinda trouble, all for something that, judging from Alexa's response, doesn't seem to be that big of a deal! I'm already anxious enough being in this place, I guess I can't really maintain my emotions right now. I'm glad that you seem to be having a good time but I really expect some human decency from you of all people!"_ After saying this I was intensely sobbing. My eyesight was faint, but I could see Taka's silhouette moving closer to me.

_  
"Wait, hold on Taka."_ Alexa put her arm between him and me, and pulled him further away.

_  
"What's wrong? He's clearly in distress, usually we give each other hugs so I thought-"_

_  
"He's blowing up at you and guilt tripping you for no reason! We were just gone for a few minutes, and he managed to find us right? What's the big deal?"_

_  
"Well, he's my friend! I don't have a lot of friends, but I know that if one of them is in need, I help them! I'm sure he has his reasons for responding like this, and I don't need you to tell me how to respond in turn!"_

_  
"Alright, fine, do whatever you want. I don't have the patience for this shit, but all I'm saying is, you deserve better fucking friends. I'm off, see ya."_

  
With those words, Alexa went off on her own.

_  
"I'm so sorry Max, I figured we wouldn't be long, and she kind of just dragged me along... I'm a bit uncomfortable too you know. It's true that I find this place interesting, but I also don't know how to act."_

  
"I know... I might have blown up a bit too much, I didn't want to make you feel bad, I was just worried, and anxious, and mad at that girl. I didn't really know what to do. I let myself go."

  
I was also a tad jealous.

_  
"Well, either way, I'm quite sure I've seen enough here! Do you want to go home?"_

_  
"Yeah, let's go home Taka."_

  
And with those words, we left the club behind us and made our way to Taka's place. On the way there, we went over the whole evening and shared some laughs. Taka's experience was positive overall. I liked that for him. It would surely help him relate to his peers more. My thoughts on going to the club didn't really change much, though I'm glad I gave it another shot. Once we finally arrived at Taka's apartment, I quickly grabbed my stuff. It was already around 2 AM, so I had to hurry. The night bus would be showing up soon, if I missed it, there wouldn't be another one for at least an hour. While I was furiously packing, Taka made a suggestion.

_  
"Max, you can stay the night if you want, then you don't need to hurry."_

_  
"No, no, it's okay, I can still make it."_

  
I looked around for a cable that was missing from my laptop. I looked under tables and the sofa, but I couldn't find it. Taka also helped me look for it, and after 5 minutes we found it tucked away behind the cushions on the sofa. I put it in my bag, gave Taka a quick hug, and we said our goodbyes. I ran for the bus stop, unsure if I would make it. I'd lost a lot of time looking for the cable. As I was running, I saw the bus pulling up in the distance. I went at 110% speed, but I didn't get close enough for the bus driver to notice me. As I sprinted harder than I ever had before, the bus drove away.

  
Shit.


	6. Chapter 6

As I stopped to catch my breath, I quickly checked my phone to see when the next bus would arrive. As luck would have it, the next one, which would have shown up in an hour, was cancelled. The one after was due for arrival in 2 hours.

  
So, that left me two choices. I either sit outside waiting for two hours, or give Taka a call and ask to stay the night anyway.

  
I had school tomorrow. It was already on the late side, waiting 2 more hours simply wasn't an option. So the only thing left to do was give him a call.

  
I explained the situation to Taka, and as expected, he did not mind the unforeseen sleepover. He luckily wasn't asleep yet, so I didn't wake him up either. I made my way back to his place, and when I arrived, Taka had already changed into more comfortable clothes. He was wearing a black tank top and black sweatpants, the only trace of color could be found on his socks, which were also black, but with little red dots on them. Taka let me in, we talked for a bit about the situation, and soon enough we decided that it was time to sleep.

_  
"So, where do you want me to lie down?"_

_  
"Oh! Unfortunately, I don't have an air mattress or anything of the sort, so you can just sleep in my bed with me! It's a 2 person bed, so there's plenty of space!"_

  
Oh no. I really didn't want to do this, being in bed next to him may honestly be too much for me. Having that sort of experience with him may just leave me unable to look at him as just a friend ever again, even though that was already a tall order. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened.

_  
"Uhh, are you sure? Wouldn't it be better if I slept on the couch?"_

_  
"No, of course not! You need a good night's sleep, and nowhere would be better to get it than my bed!"_

_  
"Yeah... I suppose that's true, but-"_

_  
"Oh no, wait! Is it... because I'm a man?"_

  
I tensed up. He was too close to the answer.

_  
"No, don't worry."_

_  
"Well that's a relief! Then what reason do you have?"_

  
I couldn't think of anything. In the heat of the moment, I couldn't think of something clever. After deliberating for a few seconds, I gave in. Sort of.

_  
"Fine, I don't really have a reason. I just didn't want you to feel obligated if you'd rather sleep alone."_

_  
"Well you should have just said so then! Of course I don't mind, otherwise I wouldn't have offered it!"_

_  
"Alright, that's good to hear. Let's get ready for bed then."_

  
Taka led me through a door I hadn't been past before. We walked into his bedroom, with a black double bed standing in the middle, and 2 small night stands next to it on both sides. To the right were 2 dark wooden cabinets, and on the left was another door, which turned out to be where the bathroom was. He also had a separate toilet near the front door, this truly was a luxurious apartment for a guy our age.

  
As we got ready, an uneasiness started falling over me. I really started to realise how unlikely it would be that me and Taka would end up together. It'd been a long time since I'd felt like this. A crippling feeling of anxiety, inadequateness, but mixed with just enough adoration to make the pain worth it. That last part's what I hated most. I knew I had to get out of this headspace somehow. If he was straight, which he most likely was, it would be a waste of time and energy to feel this way. If he was somehow attracted to guys, there would still be no telling what would happen, but the most likely option was rejection as well. After all, he had shown no interest in me like that so far. The only ways to start moving past these feelings for Taka, that I could come up with at least, would either be confessing them outright, or to end our friendship. Maybe that would be a bit too drastic, at the very least I would need to take a step back for a long time. I was ready for neither of those outcomes. Maybe both of those possibilities would happen at the same time, which would be worse. I was clearly overthinking this. I definitely didn't want to end our friendship, so confessing was the only option for me. The way Taka would react to it was up in the air, but at least at that point I'd have no regrets. I wanted to wait a bit longer though. Certainly now would be a terrible time.

  
Taka handed me a spare toothbrush that I could use. While we were both brushing our teeth, I noticed how surprisingly toned his arms were. He definitely didn't seem like a workout guru from a glance, but he was in surprisingly great shape. That observation turned out to be even more correct when he took off his clothes and he was only standing there in his underwear. His entire body had a very athletic build, and you could even see he had his abs poking out a bit. He looked amazing, it was hard for me not to study him more closely. I decided to pull my eyes away from Taka, and took off my own clothes as well. We each lied down on our side of the bed, although the lights in the room were still on.

_  
"Uh, should I go turn the lights off Taka?"_

_  
"There's no need!"_

  
As Taka gets comfortable, he claps his hands twice, and all the lights immediately dim.

_  
"Wow, is there anything this place doesn't have?"_

  
Taka could only chuckle a bit. Then, it went silent for a few moments.

_  
"..."_

_  
"..."_

_  
"...Hey, Max?"_

_  
"Yeah?"_

_  
"Thank you so much for today. I'm so grateful I got to have this experience with you, and I'm happy we can end the day together like this too."_

_  
"You're welcome, Taka. I'm happy too."_

_  
"I'm glad."_

_  
"..."_

_  
"You know, it's strange,"_ Taka continued. _''Today has left me with so many thoughts and feelings I'd never really felt before."_

_  
"Like what?"_

_  
"Well, maybe saying that I'd never felt any of these feelings wouldn't be accurate. I suppose they're just stronger, or... different. I can definitely say that going to the club and seeing everything definitely gave me new things to think about though."_

_  
"It seems to me you're definitely going through some growth, it's great to open yourself up to new experiences like that. This little escapade will be the first of many. You adapted to this whole environment so well, I'm sure you'll become a wonderfully well-rounded person, Taka."_

_  
"You will stay by my side through it all, right?"_

_  
"Yeah, of course. We're in this together."_

_  
"...Thank you. I've been able to make a few friends the last few years, but you are... special. The bond we share after such a short amount of time getting to know each other already feels stronger than anything I've ever felt."_

_  
"I feel the same way. You're great, Taka. I can't imagine life without you around anymore."_

  
Throughout the conversation, my heart started beating faster and faster. I was enjoying every second of this. It felt like we were really connecting, and it made me realise how crazy I am for Taka. I'm glad that at the very least, I'm a very special friend to him.

_  
"...Max?"_

_  
"Hmm?"_

_  
"When you're in love with someone, how does it feel?"_

  
I was a bit startled by that question. This seemed very sudden and out of nowhere.

_  
"Well, that depends, honestly. If you can feel a mutual connection between yourself and whoever you fall in love with, to me, there's no greater feeling. There would be a good chance for things to work out that way, and there would be no inner conflict. If you have doubts that the other person feels the same way about you, then that person themselves still makes you feel good, but having a biting feeling that you're gonna get rejected if you ever confess your feelings isn't the best. Overall I'd say that the person you're in love with always make you feel great when they're around."_

_  
"Hmm... I see."_

_  
"Why do you ask that all of a sudden?"_

_  
"Well, like I said before, you truly feel special to me. I already know I treasure you in a way not quite like I treasure the other people closest to me. It feels like... more, somehow. I want more from you. You being here right now... feels right. I want you to be next to me like this all the time."_

  
I was shaking. There was no way. Was he really...?

_  
"Wait, so... what are you saying?"_

_  
"Oh no, was it stupid? Should I not have said anything? Do you not feel the sa-"_

_  
"Taka, calm down, it's not stupid. I just want you to tell me what you think."_

_  
"Well... what I'm thinking is that I want to hug you, talk to you for as long as I can stay awake, I want to hold your hand, and I would really like to kiss you! I... think I love you, Max."_

_  
"Taka... are you serious?"_

_  
"Y-yes, those are my feelings. I know I may not be worthy of your love, but-"_

_  
"Taka, stop."_ He immediately went silent.

_  
"Kiyotaka, I'm so happy you've told me this. I feel so honored that you of all people think of me this way. I just want you to know that... I feel the exact same way about you, I've had these feelings for a little while, and I wasn't gonna tell you until later, but I guess there's no need now!"_

  
I get a bit choked up as I reach over to Taka's side for a hug. He reciprocates, and we're both in each other's arms. His body was so warm and comfortable.

_  
"So then, Max... I want to ask you, please stay with me forever. Together we can face whatever comes our way. I'll say it again, I love you."_

_  
"Of course! Of course of course of course!"_

  
I hug Taka even tighter as I cry tears of joy. I couldn't believe this was happening. We bundle up together, and for a while, there was just silence. Perfect silence. We were in sync. After what felt like just a few seconds, Taka pulls back a bit. He gently touches my cheek, and afterwards he moves his hands through my hair. He pulled my head towards his. And then, fireworks. Taka put his other arm around me, and right then, right there, we shared our first kiss. It was all I could have ever dreamed of.

  
We keep kissing for a while longer, after which we crawl up against each other once more. Holding each other tight, we eventually fell into a peaceful sleep.

  
And from that point on, it would be me and Taka against the world.


End file.
